See, my mom passed away 15 years ago (14, actually, 15 in September). I was 15. Her mom passed away when she was 15, too. For the longest time, I didn't want to get married and have kids, fearing that I would die when my daughter turned 15. But I digress.
15 years is a long time to live without a mom. My titas (my lola, too, before she passed away) have been great mom substitutes, I guess. But sometimes, I wish mom was still here.
Like now.
I need my baptismal and confirmation certificates. So my sister, Tin, and I looked through the papers my mom left (in semi-disarray). Found my confirmation certificate, not my baptismal.
And we found letters from friends and colleagues addressed to our family, remembering how she was.
And I feel sad and guilty because I remember so little now.
And I wish we could have had more time to make up. To be mother and daughter. For me to have let her know I appreciated everything she did.
That she could have given me away.
Hay. Ang bad ko ba na ako lang iniisip ko?
Anyway, the title of this post is from a newspaper cut-out of this poem my mom wrote (or was published) when she was 17-ish. We found it among her papers. Her pen name was Michelle.
First Encounter
In ponytails and bobbysocks
I stood in the threshold of my teens.
As innocent as a rose bud
threatening to bloom,
With nothing but laces and frills,
Candies and dandies to clatter about.
But then -
In the midst of my reverie
vaguely you came...
Intriguing my thoughts,
Beclouding my senses,
Drowning my spirit with
inexplicable warmth, anxiety,
restlessness...
As stealthily as you came
you went away...
Leaving me dazed with momentary bliss
Making me yearn for a love
greater and more divine
In the years to come.
Nagulat lang din ako na artistic pala nanay ko. I mean I remember her being really smart (she was always away on scholarships months/years at a time), pero nakakagulat lang to find a piece like this written by your mom, diba?!
Anyway.
Girls, alam kong matanda na tayo, and you are probably past the stage na atribida lang ang nanay nyo sa buhay nyo (the way i remember some things about my mom when I was in high school, before she passed away). Please just let your mothers know how much they mean to you once in a while. :)
Yun lang. Ang labo ko. Hahaha.
