hi everyone!

since maan asked us how we are, let me be the first to answer by summing up what the year 2005 for me was (well, with 18 days left, it should be is but for purposes of this narrative, i want a was) a year of firsts. let me enumerate:

   1. FIRST boyfriend (i don't know if he's going to be the last)

   2. FIRST bold move out of my comfort zone career-wise (going to sales)

   3. FIRST time to have a car i have to drive everyday

   4. FIRST car under my custody

   5. FIRST time for you-know-what (*wink* *wink*)

   6. FIRST real relationship with the opposite sex

   7. FIRST encounter with the third kind (AND HOPEFULLY THE LAST) - my sister Agie (23yrs old) is 5 mos. pregnant! i found out last week (i was supposed to meet up with maan et, al at 70s bistro but they dropped the bomb when i got home, i went numb and forgot all about it).

in summary, i am still reeling from all that's happened this year.  i'm sure all these are supposed to make me more mature and capable of handling whatever our future has in store for us yet i know i need time to fathom what  all these really mean. i feel very tired physically and my fervent wish is a holiday on the beach! i can't explain it but its like i want to have one day when i can just rest but feel happy. i can say right now that i'm not happy inside. i'm happy because we're not really wanting and everyone's healthy, my friends are still there and are all okay, i have work....but inside, i feel there's a huge void that only i can fill by choosing to be really happy. i'm trying to figure out how to do that now. i'm hoping santa claus comes with a bag of inner happiness and peace of mind this Christmas.

how are the rest of you?