I used to have a hard time sleeping because I would worry about the stuff I needed to accomplish the next day or whether i did a good enough job for the tasks I did that day.  Either way, I ended up with a sore back, heavy bags under my eyes, and an incredibly weary-soul feeling.  This was in Law school, then again tonight.

A few nights ago, my friend Bayan mentioned his fear of death.  Now, I know, everyone is afraid of it... and we try our best to keep it manageable. Unfortunately for me, it became unbearably unmanageable a few nights ago.

I wonder who my nephews will be in the future and what wonderful persons they'll turn out to be.
I wonder if I will get to enjoy fairytale lifelong love and grow old having the man I love hold my hand.
I wonder if I'll have children and if I'll make a good parent or not. 
I wonder if I can keep all my friends today, if not forever, until when. 
I wonder how I'll die and how people will react to it. 
I wonder if my eulogies will be full of laughter or sarcasm or tears. 
I wonder if my old best friend who I haven't spoken to in years will attend my funeral.
I wonder how long or how short a time it will take for people to forget me.
I wonder if I will outlive everyone I love but die of heartbreak. ( I think that's the worst way to go.)
I wonder if they'll ever embalm me and find a reason for my appetite. (Hahaha!)
I wonder if I'll need a reason to haunt this earth.
I wonder if I'll leave without regrets.

Just in case it's today, my dear friends, I want you to know I love you, and Thank you, and that I'm sorry if i had ever been distant or arrogant or judgmental or mean.  Chalk it off to PMS... or really lousy days... or hunger... I hope most of our friendship anyway has been grand. =) Mwah!