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Apr 15, 2006
Thanks to Globe's UNLIMITXT promo, I have been receiving a barrage of quotes and jokes the past month. These Holy days, I've received more than the usual number of them and just so we're clear, I'm not complaining.  As long as I don't have to reply to all of them. 
Anyway, some of them I would like to share with you.
1. When you have exhausted everything in your capacity to love, that is the time to forgive yourself for losing the fight...
2. The best way to keep a relationship is not in magnifying its flaws and faults but in looking at the good it has done and strengthening it with love, trust and respect.
3. Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy; they just said it would be worth it.
4. Lenten Diet: Eat our words; swallow our pride; digest God's teachings; indulge in prayer.
While I agree with these messages when I read them separately, I can't seem to put them together. They're confusing. Do I give up and move on? Do I swallow my pride and reach out by forgiving and forgetting?
For those of you who haven't heard, I had a really bad Friday last week which unfortunately, I can't seem to shake off. I thought this Holy Week would give me time to heal... you know, let go and let God. But it hasn't happened. My officemate said it's because I haven't let myself cry over it just to let the stress out of my system somehow.  One thing I do know is that I'm exhausted, and I don't know where to find the strength to look for the good in where I am.
Kunsabagay, may Black Saturday pa at Easter Sunday.  Pray for me, gals?
Sorry to burden you with this while you might be vacationing.  I don't want to go back to work anytime soon. Posted at 01:40 am by maanmrazed
Jan 27, 2006
jason mraz live in manila. jan. 21, 2006. nbc tent, the fort.
the curbside prophet himself.
i think it's safe to say that the concert's a definite highlight of our year :) but i can't wait till saturday's cranium night. thanks for volunteering to bring the drinks maan. i don't think i've ever gotten smashed with you guys yet!! Posted at 08:09 am by nevitsky
Dec 13, 2005
hi everyone!
since maan asked us how we are, let me be the first to answer by summing up what the year 2005 for me was (well, with 18 days left, it should be is but for purposes of this narrative, i want a was) a year of firsts. let me enumerate:
1. FIRST boyfriend (i don't know if he's going to be the last)
2. FIRST bold move out of my comfort zone career-wise (going to sales)
3. FIRST time to have a car i have to drive everyday
4. FIRST car under my custody
5. FIRST time for you-know-what (*wink* *wink*)
6. FIRST real relationship with the opposite sex
7. FIRST encounter with the third kind (AND HOPEFULLY THE LAST) - my sister Agie (23yrs old) is 5 mos. pregnant! i found out last week (i was supposed to meet up with maan et, al at 70s bistro but they dropped the bomb when i got home, i went numb and forgot all about it).
in summary, i am still reeling from all that's happened this year. i'm sure all these are supposed to make me more mature and capable of handling whatever our future has in store for us yet i know i need time to fathom what all these really mean. i feel very tired physically and my fervent wish is a holiday on the beach! i can't explain it but its like i want to have one day when i can just rest but feel happy. i can say right now that i'm not happy inside. i'm happy because we're not really wanting and everyone's healthy, my friends are still there and are all okay, i have work....but inside, i feel there's a huge void that only i can fill by choosing to be really happy. i'm trying to figure out how to do that now. i'm hoping santa claus comes with a bag of inner happiness and peace of mind this Christmas.
how are the rest of you? Posted at 08:28 am by AnnaVi
Dec 8, 2005
miss you guys!
Posted at 09:52 am by maanmrazed
Aug 11, 2005
Come Thirsty
You know how they say everything is 90% reaction? It's true.
I've been having really awful encounters on the road and I get really riled up over some idiot who refuses to be safe and then makes it a point to express their, um, resentment to wards me for insisting on keeping to a lane, or signaling... Whatever it is, I flare up and literally feel the life drain out of me from the stress. And this is just with driving. I'm also having the same bursts of exasperation and indignation over people I work with indirectly. So far, so bad.
But then I remember a time when I used to email you guys and just say, today I decided to be happy. And it worked! It still works!
No matter how much is put on our plates, as Anna puts it, and no matter how spread thinly we become in our demanding from ourselves quality output, we can go home jubilant or at the very least, content. The idea is to find joy in what you do. I'm not saying it's easy. We can confuse finding joy with what we do with finding joy with who we work for or with who we work with or with what we reap or with what time we are given to ourselves. And that's not it. We need to find joy in what we do as a person, not as an employee or co-worker or sister or daughter or friend.
I'm so proud of all of you for what you've become and I'm honored to call you gals my friends.
I'm proud because you take pride in your work. I'm proud because you find it important to spend time with family. I'm proud that you make an effort to make others feel appreciated. I'm proud of your strength. I'm proud of your courage and humility in changing jobs, or in handling pressures at work. I'm proud that you don't tale shortcuts despite the overwhelming temptation to do so. I'm proud that you are honest and open to share some of your fears with the rest of us. I'm proud that you are taking on a lot of responsibility at work because each of you have shown the passion and competence for it.
So don't beat yourself up. People love who you are. And when you hear me complaining about not spending time, it's a mere short-term irritation because I miss you. But it doesn't change the fact that I celebrate your success every day.
I ask only that you give yourself the opportunity to enjoy life. At work and at home. Not by counting the hours you put in each but by reveling in the knowledge that you are blessed by opportunities, by stability, by understanding, by love.
I'm waxing philosophical and probably getting too dramatic. I just need all of you to know that we're living a good life and that's enough to make you sleep peacefully at night. Be joyful. Be grateful. I stopped waiting for my life to get easy, and decided to go easy on myself instead. And so far, so good. Posted at 12:48 pm by maanmrazed
Aug 10, 2005
i sit here having read the recent entries and ironically i had time because i decided to go home early. i have not been feeling well since saturday (we had our planning seminar which had me going home at 130am from wed til friday and i guess my body has had enough).
i dont know why we're the type of people who need to wait after parts of our system complain that we can't take anymore before going home and just sleeping the mundane activities set out before us off. i know some people who need no prodding especially from their bodies to take a day or an afternoon off a shitty day. i guess we're just built like that...pushing ourselves to accomplish the tiniest bit of chore on our plates. until everything blurs and we lose sight of why we push ourselves to the ground in the first place.
i am still getting used to the idea of working smart against working hard...some days i really think about cutting corners and just doing what's needed for that hour and going out and having some semblance of life outside work. i know my friends think i've been too enamored with my bf which is why i have been incommunicado or anti-social lately, but really i dont even see him until its time to go home and i have to drive us home. i'm too tired to even have dinner with him so we can talk about his day and my day and its really unfair to him and my friends. so unfair that i give him saturday with me so that he doesnt think i'm neglecting him like he always says i do. i dont know when life got so hectic that the last time i saw mia amparo was 4 freaking months ago (and sparingly during bia's bday) and cha, maan and ira 4 weeks ago (before bia's bday - when i had to dash off after half an hour that it felt really crazy, and before that,yes i think 3 months ago too). i was doing my makati route 3 weeks ago and neva and i were able to squeeze lunch in since she was in the area where i was...
is this part of growing up? schedules not matching so that we are in different places at certain times
that we even have schedules on weekends is crazy...they used to be just days when we can sleep in and not carry the world's worries on our shoulders. they are days for not taking a bath and watching TV non-stop...
cha is right to want some time for herself...at least quality time to do what she wants while she's trying to eke out a living. i still believe that's more important...time with people who also want to be with her
that's also what i want for myself.
enough quality time so i have something i can look back to as my wonder years...
Posted at 08:42 pm by AnnaVi
Aug 7, 2005
I'm generally ok with work. At least I used to think I was.
I used to successfully justify to myself why I go to work early and go home late as avoiding unnecessarily stressing myself out with the freaking Makati traffic. And that excuse used to be sufficient for me.
Then one day about a month ago, as I was preparing to buckle down to work at 6:30 in the morning, it hit me. I'm fucking crazy to be doing this (especially with what they pay me). For an hour after, I cry at a friend's shoulder (who, even crazier than I was, also went to work early that day even when he really didn't have anything urgent to do). And after I had decided to just go home for the day, I pop in at a senior partner's office (who came in early that day) and just tell him I was unhappy (the crazy thing about this, or maybe it's more surreal, is that this was the partner I used to be totally scared of when I started with this firm! And we ended up spending a few hours taking a break from it all shopping).
Since then, I've been told by another officemate (who joined the firm way later than I did and is leaving the firm in a few days) that I had no life other than my work. And it's been bugging me since, because as much as I hate to admit it, it's true.
I hate that even though I really ought not to work on weekends, I need to. I hate that all I want to do when I go home is sleep because the day has just been too stressfull. Or that even as I lie in bed dead-tired, sleep won't come as thoughts of what I have to do, or what I did wrong, pop into my head just as I'm about to doze off. I miss spending the day lounging in front of the TV. I miss being able to go walking in UP with my friends (one of whom would be in make-up) to make room for the big meal I'm having after. I want to be able to go see a movie without having my friends tell me I look tired or worried or sad. I want to have time to go bowling or badminton. I want to be able to join my brother and my sister when they go to the boxing gym. Or going diving in the weekend. Or going diving in the weekend.
Bottom line is, I think I have to leave the firm. It's driving me fucking crazy.
And I'm scared that if I do decide to leave this predominantly litigation firm, from which I feel I can learn the most, I'm closing my door to litigation. I know there will be no turning back if I do. And I don't know if this feeling I have right now is only because of the firm or because I'm really not cut out for litigation. But I can't leave either because I don't know what I wanna do after when I do.
Stuck is the worst feeling in the world.
Posted at 11:02 am by cha2qt
Aug 1, 2005
hi guys,
yes it's me neva, these past few months have been hectic because of work and school. im really tired and have been sick for most of the times, i know it's stress related although i do like my job and my subject's really interesting.
i've read the last few entries and i just want to give maan a great big hug for finding her place under the sun and for finally coming to terms with hopia hahaha. yuck i feel the same way for aaron although i don't have any contact with him nor have any desire to start one. but i still freaked out when he asked for my permission to be added as his friend in friendster. friendster is a bane really for people like me who went through life crying for people with codenames like primata and berdugong tiktik YAAAAK!!!
to anna here's another great big hug, pining for a boyfriend is hard but having one is definitely harder. i know though you'll be a great partner. enjoy your first months, your first quarter and your first year. usually these are the more exciting times, when things are all new and volatile. but after the first year, you find yourself falling into certain roles (yes, role-playing haha) and routines. it does get boring but you feel a certain comfort knowing that on set days of the week you'll be spending them doing nothing with someone really special.
to cha, jo and ira. i wish you guys the best in whatever plans you take on.
cha, i wish that you won't be asked to go through a strip search again in prison hehe. i also wish that you get to have more notorious clients though hehehe.
hehehe i miss you guys. i wish we could all see each other before i go to australia and spend a month and a half there for work.
bye for now!!
neva
Posted at 09:05 am by nevitsky
Jun 30, 2005
so my tarzan and i are turning 3 months tomorrow, a day after his 28th bday and already it feels like 3 years. it has not been easy especially for me since i'm still reeling from the birth pains. i've made a lot of adjustments and its frustrating when tarzan still finds a lot of things i'm not doing right. and sometimes he is impatient and during those times, i feel like walking out and never coming back.
then i realize that a person's love story doesnt end when they get married. like maan, you might meet a person from the past and have a lot of realizations not least of which is that you've grown and so has your taste that you simply cannot comprehend what attracted you to that person in the first place. or sometimes we harbor hopes that on the off-chance that we do meet that "loved-one" that got away, the old feelings will still be there and so will the chance of being together. i think that would be lovely! and so there is no need to worry about love in the future or in the present. love happens when and where it so chooses. most of the time, we have no choice.
p.s.
i still believe that maan will be great wherever she decides to do what she does best....helping those who are in need especially when everyone else has given up on them.
extra:
i cannot believe the audacity of the politicians and actors (their roles have traversed multiple times during the last couple of days that one doesnt know exactly who is playing which role)!! one set is bent on furthering their own interests and the other set plans to win every major acting award while effectively ruining every chance we have of improving the economy! somebody tell scotty to beam all these aliens up!
Posted at 11:57 pm by AnnaVi
Jun 22, 2005
I used to have a hard time sleeping because I would worry about the stuff I needed to accomplish the next day or whether i did a good enough job for the tasks I did that day. Either way, I ended up with a sore back, heavy bags under my eyes, and an incredibly weary-soul feeling. This was in Law school, then again tonight.
A few nights ago, my friend Bayan mentioned his fear of death. Now, I know, everyone is afraid of it... and we try our best to keep it manageable. Unfortunately for me, it became unbearably unmanageable a few nights ago.
I wonder who my nephews will be in the future and what wonderful persons they'll turn out to be.
I wonder if I will get to enjoy fairytale lifelong love and grow old having the man I love hold my hand.
I wonder if I'll have children and if I'll make a good parent or not.
I wonder if I can keep all my friends today, if not forever, until when.
I wonder how I'll die and how people will react to it.
I wonder if my eulogies will be full of laughter or sarcasm or tears.
I wonder if my old best friend who I haven't spoken to in years will attend my funeral.
I wonder how long or how short a time it will take for people to forget me.
I wonder if I will outlive everyone I love but die of heartbreak. ( I think that's the worst way to go.)
I wonder if they'll ever embalm me and find a reason for my appetite. (Hahaha!)
I wonder if I'll need a reason to haunt this earth.
I wonder if I'll leave without regrets.
Just in case it's today, my dear friends, I want you to know I love you, and Thank you, and that I'm sorry if i had ever been distant or arrogant or judgmental or mean. Chalk it off to PMS... or really lousy days... or hunger... I hope most of our friendship anyway has been grand. =) Mwah!
Posted at 05:30 am by maanmrazed
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